as someone who works with special needs kids (one of them being my nephew) i was really offended by someones blog title being 'aspergian with ADHD' (as far as i can tell they are self diagnosed) do i have any right to be? i don't want to speak for a group im not a part of but i feel like they are reducing their whole identity to that and i get so angry when people don't remember my kids are people first

Leave it alone, bro. self-dx is a muddy area that could be abused but is also often the only solution left to an adult on the spectrum whose local experts only know how to diagnose nonverbal toddlers, and shrug off adults who have learned basic coping skills. it’s also not your business unless the person is doing some kind of harm beyond having a blog title that puts his identity on display. i do the exact same thing and if you’ve followed me for more than a week you’ve seen how i react when people make an issue of it.

i’ve heard ‘aspergian’ before, iirc it’s a pride thing. we are people first, yeah, but the thing is, we’re autistic people first. when your kids start blogging they’re gonna be even more offensive and in-your-face with their autism than this generation, i guarantee it. and i’m all for it, myself.

"Do not attempt to come between an autistic person and data."

does anybody else drum with their teeth as a stim? like using your jaw muscles to tap different groups of teeth together, rubbing upper and lower jaws together and grinding them to make a percussive riff that only you can hear?

i do it all the damn time, ever since i was a kid, but i never realized it was a stim until today. one set i do is the drum section from Guns & Roses “You Could Be Mine” and the other seems to be an original composition. it’s probably not great for the teeth, but no dentists have ever expressed any concern about worn down enamel, so i am not gonna borrow trouble about it.

i gotta say, even with an audience of one, my teeth make awesome drums.

Luka, how are you capable of so much sympathy? Does it come naturally?

aww. thank you for this!

lemme go on a tangent here.

never believe anyone who tells you autism means having no empathy. i experience it as a raw and totally conscious event, to which i am sort of a spectator. i then decide what to do about the feeling, based on whether it is appropriate/funny/useful. sometimes i don’t allow sympathy for someone’s problems to show through, because it doesn’t apply to their behavior. other times, it has everything to do with their behavior, and i try to be respectful of that.

in my experience, it is possible to make insulting jokes about something completely dumb a person is saying, and care if that person is safe, at the same time. 

having a conscious observation of my own emotional influences (mainly empathy) makes keeping my head in an argument with someone who is engaging in deliberate emotional manipulation a LOT easier. where most people feel vaguely uneasy about an act of boundary violation committed during an argument, i get screaming alert sirens and my hair stands on end. i can’t not focus on the specific violation that set me off—it’s a trigger, although nothing like the PTSD kind.

buuuuut lest you think i am claiming superhero status, this conscious emptahy thing also means when i miss something, i really fucking miss it. it’s a trade-off.

Hey luka, I was wondering if you had any resources you could share on stimming and different stims? My BFFs nephew, who is very strongly autistic, has been repeatedly banging his head on his door for a few minutes at a time every now and again, and I want to help find safer alternatives for him. I already suggested headphones and an MP3 player with sounds or music he enjoys, but I dont know if that will for for whatever sensation he is trying to relieve.

Oh hm

I have a massive headache right now and cannot for the life of me think of resources, so i’m boosting this to my spergfriends for now.

anybody got suggestions?

I have a question. When I'm stressed or worried I sometimes clap my four fingers against my palm repeatedly, is this what's meant by "hand flapping"? I never could figure out what that meant.

i do that too and it feels exactly the same as my other flappy/stimmy movements. there’s a bunch of different ones, from the little kid whole-arm wing flaps to jazz hands or even just flailing around with one finger.

kind of tangenting here, but i just thought of something hilarious. autistic people apparently have a knack for snagging dialogue from TV shows or books or songs and responding with the quotes in ways that seem a little off to non autistic folks. i am terrible with this because i grew up on Doctor Demento and sometimes the lines that feel right and suit my sense of humor require massive explanations.

thing is, i just realized, i also do this with stims! i actually picked one up from a spergy TV character once and it has been my favorite, rapidly switching my first two fingers back-and-forth with elbow bent, hand is up in the air by my ear. i’ll catch myself walking from room to room like this while i’m looking for something i’ve misplaced. i’m sometimes aware of it and have always wondered if i was faking autism because it didn’t originate with me, but i think that no, i’m just quoting again. 

i also, and this is so incredibly nerdy, picked up Rikku’s little finger-waggle from FFX (the one she uses in her Overdrive animation). something about the rhythm of it just scratches an itch in my brain. i don’t even care if i look developmentally delayed doing it—feels good, man.

i think i do it in public too, but i have tried not to because i still, despite everything, have a major insecurity thing about being treated as mentally disabled, even though i am. lol. i fucking hate the way people talk down to me, the change in tone and vocabulary and the prolongued silence before replying is not subtle at all.

am not always aware of flapping or stimming. i know for sure i do other stuff because i’ve asked friends to tell me what they’ve observed (i suspected i was asperger well over ten years ago, but i had faulty information at the time that indicated that creativity, empathy and having no aptitude for math ruled out aspergers, and obviously autism is for the violent screaming kid in the corner, yadda yadda) and there was a lot of stuff i thought was just normal (because it felt normal, and i was not aware of other people’s body language at the time) that turns out not to be, at least for non autistic people. after that i started paying attention and yeah, they really don’t do that stuff.

friends are welcome to tell me if i’ve missed any of my own tweaks. i find it utterly fascinating to think of myself as an observable set of stereotyped movements.

hey spergs

anybody else have to cut the necks out of all their t-shirts

show of hands let’s see who’s special

(just desecrated the Sparklepony shirt, feels good man)

imagine that every book, every article, every news story about women’s issues interviewed only husbands and fathers.



that’s where we are right now with disability rights.

And of course, lots of people saying “but of course the books are targeted at men, I mean, they live with women, they need to know about this stuff.”

(via variablejabberwocky)

stillticksaway replied to your post “my mom used to tell me that one of my favorite things to say as a small child was “I refuse.”

I was lucky to accidentally put my socks on inside out one day. It helped so much. SO MUCH.





once my mom understood that i would wear them inside out and not throw shrieking flipout tantrums, she made it her business to always do that for me. i had forgotten that memory! man, i wore my socks inside out til I was at least a teenager.


you had sock problems too???

i would fly into tantrums over the goddamn things.

those thin little nylon shits with the lace cuffs that girls wear with those terrible hard church shoes? fuck those things and fuck their shitty seams.

take shoes off, adjust position of terrible seam, put shoes on, feel seam. repeat until screeching.

once i tried to cut the seams off, and tape them back together. i can’t remember if i got in trouble for it. kids :3