Actual Ableist Paul Muad'Derp & The Faggot Brigade

1 Dead, 2 Injured, 1 Missing After Field Trip At Lilydale Park - CBS Minnesota

Wed, 22 May 2013 22:43:00 -0500

1 Dead, 2 Injured, 1 Missing After Field Trip At Lilydale Park - CBS Minnesota:

One child is dead, two others are injured and another is missing after a hillside gave way Wednesday during a fourth grade field trip at a St. Paul park, according to Fire Marshal Steve Zaccard. In a press conference, authorities said that multiple crews continue to search the area for the missing child.

OH NO NO NO THIS IS HORRIBLE

Lilydale park is THE field trip spot for St. Paul schoolkids, there are little toothbrushes all over the place from the fossil dig kits the parents send them in with. The clay pits are gray suckbogs this time of year and the hillside is nothing but 480 million year old seafloor and St. Peter sandstone (basically just a layer of hardpacked sugar-white sand several stories high). It’s got to have inspired generations of paleontologists by this point.

Augh, those poor fucking kids.

Sweet potato pie is everything I’ve secretly resented pumpkin pie a tiny bit for not...

Wed, 22 May 2013 22:24:00 -0500

Sweet potato pie is everything I’ve secretly resented pumpkin pie a tiny bit for not being.

It took one lucky score at the food bank to show me the light.

Meanwhile: BEDTIME!

i think i found the flaw in your logic.

Wed, 22 May 2013 21:28:00 -0500

changemynamelikecasiusclay:

So the late news we have it’s

1/ 2 FBI agent that were in Boston tracking Jahar during the manthunt, just died in helicopter accident.

2/ A FBI agent just killed a Chechen guy who knows Tamerlan because they were both fighters, in Orlando Fl

HUmmmmmm so a lot of think are happening underground right now, we better stay focus on any news that could be ignored by the media ……

Stay focused people, they are in the “cleaning” mode right now….

A conspiracy so shocking, so secret, that ~~all the dingbats on Tumblr are gossiping about it~~ people are being killed to keep the public from hearing about it.

STAY FOCUSED PEOPLE, THEY ARE IN “NOT ACTUALLY PAYING ANY ATTENTION TO THE EXPLOSIVE PARANOIA BECAUSE MAN WHO EVEN CARES WHAT BIEBER FANS THINK ABOUT THE GOVERNMENT” MODE RIGHT NOW.

l0vethyneighborsn0t-thyself: I am 100% sure Dzhokhar was not supposed to survive. There is just no...

Wed, 22 May 2013 21:14:00 -0500

l0vethyneighborsn0t-thyself:

I am 100% sure Dzhokhar was not supposed to survive. There is just no way. Especially now with everything that just happened with Tamerlan’s friend.There is just no way they wanted him alive.

Fascinating. So the FBI has such enormous power that it literally faked the deaths of 4 innocent people in a giant and very expensive false flag bombing that featured thousands of paid actors and paid off every blogger, news website and magazine to publish lies instead of the vastly more controversial and Pulitzer-worthy truths they actually witnessed on the scene. Then to follow up this epic stage show, they, what? Randomly framed a 19 year old stoner and his older brother who likes to hit women, without bothering to use their incredible influence to make it an open-and-shut case? WHOOPS!

And then a big old firing squad stood there and shot to kill as he hid in the boat, but somehow he didn’t get any life-threatening injuries from their attempt to put an end to him. Well, the rule is you can only try once per showdown, so they put him in an ambulance where the paramedics slit his throat. This time when he still didn’t die, they cursed their bad luck and quickly took him to one of the best hospitals in the world, which gave him excellent care, saving his life (WHOOPS AGAIN!) and gradually nursed him back to health out of the reach of enraged would-be assassins.

Agents still try to murder him from time to time, since it’s not like anyone would see, but for some reason the bullets just keep bouncing off his buzz-cutted little head.

That makes so much sense.

I can imagine the FBI agents now, shaking their fists. If only we’d thought to aim for body mass, they lament. If only we hadn’t taken prompt measures to save his life, he’d be dead and no one would ever find out the things he knows, which mainly have to do with the tastiest junkfood combinations and how to drive while stoned off your ass, seeing as how he’s a totally innocent random and doesn’t know jack shit about the bombing.

You guys have the stupidest conspiracy theory on the web, and yes I’m including “rainbow chemicals in sprinkler water” in that list.

golfwangicedout: Who is this Tara girl? Can someone give me more info in her or send me the link...

Wed, 22 May 2013 21:04:00 -0500

golfwangicedout:

Who is this Tara girl? Can someone give me more info in her or send me the link where she says stuff about Jahar? Thanks!

Quit stalking the suspect’s friends. You wonder why people think you’re creepy? This is why.

dave is very adorable. could you post more dave pics possibly?

Wed, 22 May 2013 20:40:21 -0500

check my #dave cat tag, there should be a bunch posted there. I’ll take more next time I catch him being a goofball :3

Oh my god, you sent me a whole page of places! squees Some of those counties are actually pretty close! I could do some of these if I can just convince people! bouncing I keep on hoping I'm gonna be able to find the place where my dad went and brought me back all the fossil and the tooth the size of my wrists (and I have big wrists), so maybe it's one of these. Although I think he said something about it being on private property. . . But thank you so much!

Wed, 22 May 2013 20:39:00 -0500

:D I am glad they look good! And if something’s on private property, there might be a public site nearby with the same sort of finds that won’t get you busted.

Mmmm roadcuts are my babies :3

TL;DW: Guy is fined $50 for leaving the bike lane (which is not...

Wed, 22 May 2013 20:38:37 -0500

TL;DW: Guy is fined $50 for leaving the bike lane (which is not actually illegal) because of dangerous obstructions, and embarks on pedantic exercise of remaining in the bike lane at all times—no matter what he crashes into.

Absolute comedy gold.

sweet-bitsy: breanieswordvomit: caffeinated-zombie: So, in...

Wed, 22 May 2013 20:08:46 -0500

sweet-bitsy:

breanieswordvomit:

caffeinated-zombie:

So, in the middle of everything today, we ran across a hellaciously distressed momma mallard and a bunch of her baby ducks that had fallen down a sewer grate. Another guy was already trying to fish them out, so my friend and I called animal control before we tried to fish the rest of them out. When Animal Control got there, we had all of them out and the mother duck quacking very happily. I was surprised - none of us got snapped at or hurt. I was even holding onto a bag at one point that had all of them in it and she just watched me.

I love how the duck is perched on the guy’s butt

I’M SO HAPPY

ohhhhh look at the sweet babies being wonderful

the ducklings are adorable too

Reblog if you've formed a meaningful relationship with someone you met online.

Wed, 22 May 2013 20:07:28 -0500

elanorpam:

ceruleancynic:

thischick25:

the-real-seebs:

chavisory:

feliscorvus:

youneedacat:

Definitely yes, here.

Possibly my most meaningful relationship ever is with Anne. And we’ve… Probably been in the same room in person, but did not know each other at the time. (We went to the same schools a couple years in a row.) It feels like we have met though. We video chat every week. And we have a level of connection I’ve never had with anyone, whether I’ve met them or not.

Absolutely (me = Anne) to all this, re. youneedacat. I definitely want to visit in person (hopefully in the not *too* distant future) but I regularly forget that this hasn’t happened yet, because it feels so much like it has. :P

I don’t know what makes it possible sometimes for two people who aren’t technically blood relatives to communicate/relate on this level. Probably some combination of similar genetic combinations popping up in different families (our mutual sets of parents and grandparents even have some eerily similar attributes) and sensory/perceptual commonalities. No way to tell for sure. But it’s really cool when it does happen.

Yup. I’ve become friends in real life with people I met casually on Facebook. I’ve met people online and corresponded enough that I already considered them friends by the time we first met in real life. I was introduced through e-mail to someone who became one of the most important people in my life. And I have friends online who I consider friends even though we’ve never met in real life—because we consistently support and appreciate each other.

Pretty much, yeah. I mean, I do have friends I didn’t meet online, but I also have close friends whose faces I’ve never seen. People are patterns of thought to me, not meat.

I kind of married a guy…

Most of my friends are people I met online. The others are the few college friends I’ve managed to stay in touch with, and people from the MFA program.

needsmoreresearch is my bestest friend in the whole wide world and we met years ago on LJ. boppinrobin and I met for the first time in person at last year’s Otakon and have since been excellent friends (which reminds me i have something for you).

all my close friends are online, all met through fandom — from VoH to Homestuck! In fact, I’ve known pupukachoo and lame-gamer-kensou for literally more than 10 years… dang.

Every single friend I’ve made since 1996 has been from the internet. Rain and I went to school together.

We weirdoes need a way larger pool to find each other in, is all.

Luka is a complete POOP because he made a POOP on the Internet that I did not POOP was funny. As a result, I can no longer CA-CA at night and am considering FECES just to stop the constant POOP his behavior has caused me.

Wed, 22 May 2013 20:04:00 -0500

THIS IS EXACTLY HOW MY MAD LIBS TURN OUT IN THE CAR.

GRAND PRIZE! YOU GET DAVE!

Luka is a complete and balanced breakfast because he made a dolphin sound on the Internet that I did...

Wed, 22 May 2013 20:02:14 -0500

Luka is a complete and balanced breakfast because he made a dolphin sound on the Internet that I did not hear because i am not a dog, although it probably was funny. As a result, I can no longer masturbate at night and am considering cornering the market in cheese crackers just to stop the constant urinating his behavior has caused me.

[oh sure blame me for your wetting fetish, i see how it fucking is]

Luka is a complete DERPFAGGOT because he made a SICKBURN on the Internet that I did not GARBLEBLARGLE was funny. As a result, I can no longer WANK ON YOUR PICTURE at night and am considering SHITTING MY BUTTHURT PANTS just to stop the constant WHAAAAAA his behavior has caused me.

Wed, 22 May 2013 20:01:22 -0500

You get a baby eating herring because you are chill like the icy northern lands.

Luka is a complete mudblood because he made a lemon-zester on the Internet that I did not mop was funny. As a result, I can no longer indoctrinate at night and am considering sensual massaging just to stop the constant gideon's bible his behavior has caused me. (i did it like a real madlib where u make the wordlist without looking at the madlib)

Wed, 22 May 2013 20:00:46 -0500

NANA APPROVES.

How much of a crush is too much of a crush? Cause at this point it just causes me to sit and bask in the hilarity of a booty-troubled brat attempting to take on someone who just doesn't give a fuck.

Wed, 22 May 2013 19:53:54 -0500

asdf;asldf BOOTY TROUBLED.

That is what I instantly thought of.

Hello!

Wed, 22 May 2013 19:51:11 -0500

You’re my hero. I’ve been following your art work and various comics for a long-ass time. Thanks for getting me through some rough, hard-core life shit. :-x

-M

[Ahhh man! This is awesome to read, thank you! I am so happy to have helped in some way. You did all the real work tho, I hope you high fived yourself for it!]

all of this is absolutely hilarious and kind of pathetic but ???why are random people mad at you now wtf

Wed, 22 May 2013 19:38:53 -0500

i thought it was a jaharian like the one I got last night but no it’s just some unfunny tryhard who reblogs shit to call people ugly. I’m guessing the other one was their friend coming to the rescue since it was pretty much a one-two punch of dumbdumb factor.

Dear Sir or Madam, I believe my education and experience make me an ideal candidate for a position...

Wed, 22 May 2013 19:37:45 -0500

Dear Sir or Madam,

I believe my education and experience make me an ideal candidate for a position at VastderpCo. I have a good eye for detail and I work quickly and diligently.

In May of 2007 I graduated with a bachelor’s degree in Sass with a minor in Bedevilment. I have extensive experience in wordflinging, z-snapping, troll lording, sneakery, bootydancing, and Your Mom.

Thank you for your time and consideration. I look forward to hearing from you soon.

Sincerely,

Stonklass Buttsmear

[YOU’VE BEEN RUMBLED, MY SON!]

Whoops it’s time for errands and my doctor appointment. Later haters >:D

Wed, 22 May 2013 14:31:54 -0500

Whoops it’s time for errands and my doctor appointment. Later haters >:D

Man, I don't even need to fill out some MadLibs can't I just confess my undying adoration of you right here like this

Wed, 22 May 2013 14:29:05 -0500

We must be wed at once <3