vastderp:

vastderp:

Hey guys.

So my bud RainbowBarnacle? The really super-cool lass who writes all the awesome fanfiction and co-mods Brainbent with me and is just generally savvy and fun to hang out with?

I am going to steal her.

She lives in Washinton state, has some serious medical issues and anxiety problems and isn’t making enough money at her freelance writing gig to stay where she is and it is making things suck quite a lot for her right now. I’ll let her share the details in her own post later on, since it’s personal and I’m busy planning the heist.

Her family is like “Oh yeah we said you’d never make it on your own, come on back to Illinois.”

Tchyeah no fuck that noise. I’m not letting her move back home to her insane abusive homophobic family and her creepy stepfather (OF COURSE IT’S THE STEPFATHER, IT’S ALWAYS THE FUCKING STEPFATHER) because they will stuff her back in the closet and be weird at her until she goes insane, and all joking aside I hate these people I hate them I want to hit them with my fists.

So I have begun to scheme. It’s sort of a hobby of mine.

If she moves here, thinks I, there are pretty decent housing and medical programs for poor folks. This place sure isn’t Illinois! She’ll know people, and she can probably get an apartment here in the same complex as me so we can be CRAZY SITCOM NEIGHBORS. Illinois definitely doesn’t have sitcoms like that. Northfield is a small two-college town where everything’s basically in walking distance. And we don’t have a horizon glowing ominously with green light at all hours the way fucking Illinois does!

The plan is as such: She mails the tiny collection of items she has accumulated in her time away from the pitcher plant of family loyalty to Northfield, then she takes her wee kitty Penny (here referred to as ‘personal item that fits under the seat and purrs contentedly’) and jumps on an aeroplane to fly out here. Once we have dykenapped RB, she will surf on the couch I do not actually possess while she gets back on her feet. At some point we will accidentally kill a guy and spend three wacky nights pretending the body is still alive, with increasingly unrealistic and fragrant results. They will make a movie about it and we’ll be rich enough to just go ahead and buy the housing project. Problem solved? Yowza!

Snapping back to reality, however:

RB’s current brokeness issue makes my dream of yoinking our fine friend of Sappho a wee bit complicated. She’s got a lease to break and the expenses of moving, and no one wants to leave their nice housemates holding a bag when they skip out early. Some of my friends have gotten in touch to help with the expenses, but she’s starting a new life far from the creepy clingy many-tentacled grasp of Illinois.

I’m thinking fundraiser. Get her to Minnesota, pay for a new place, send her parents a HAHAHAHAHAH FUCK YOUUUU singing telegram to be performed by Man Faye, maybe snag a bit of gently used apartment furniture if there’s anything left.

She’s a brilliant writer but you can’t really sell stories the way you can sell quick little arty bits. I have some commissions pending, but once that’s over, I am willing to whore myself out to save the rare and endangered northwestern dappled lesbian from extinction. I have a couple other friends who will be joining me. I intend to make some nice commemorative buttons to send donors, the way I did that time when I needed to see a shrink and the other time when my dog’s face turned a funny color and I thought he was dying.

the buttons will reference the title of the fundraiser.

which is…

wait for it…

waaaaaiiiiit for it…

PROJECT LESBISNATCH: LET’S STEAL THE DYKLERATION OF INDEPENDENCE.

REBLOGGING BECAUSE IT’S TIME TO GET THIS SHIT OFF THE GROUND.

Simple rules:

1. Paypal some money here: tattooedbum@gmail.com

2. Include a note asking what you want me to doodle for you (no epic finished pieces, just fun little sketches like what AH is doing for the quake relief drive from last year). I will drabble Kagerou or OC stuff on demand (the text equivalent of fun little sketches).

3. Dykleration of Independence is stolen, friend of Sappho installed safely in Northfield, Sauron closes his glimmering Eye because nobody’s showed up in Illinois and he gets bored easily.

4. WOOOO!

Expect further reblogs as other artists join the fun.

Okay bromosapiens, we’re DOING this! Where MAKING THIS HAPEN.

RB will be here Wednesday Night! Homagawrrr. Everything is SET! 

So I’m plugging the donation thingie one last time before the Glorious Arrival, so’s we can get her, like, a futon or a bean bag or a horn pile to kip on when the jetlag sets in.

Because you can totally get jetlag from flying across 2 time zones.

That is le fact.